Wednesday, May 20, 2009

The Sister's Grimm Fairy-Tale Regurgitator

You gotta try the Sister's Grimm Fairy-Tale Regurgitator. It is the best story generator I've seen. Prompts ask you to fill in words in response to questions and a wild tale such as you see below is generated. I only regret using the word "mirror".

Salaryn’s Fairy-Tale

Once upon a time there was a Warrior named Salaryn with the most beautiful arm in the whole world. Unfortunately, she was very sad because her one heart’s desire was to have a chocolate.

An old witch in her town named Robert told her that she could find a chocolate at the top of Mount Nate. Our hero was filled with hope so she went home and got Jamie, her pet dog, and together they headed off into the forest below the mountain. The forest was dark and creepy and gave Salaryn and Jamie the heebie-jeebies, and it wasn’t long before they both started hearing rustling noises. They were coming from a nearby rose. Before they could run away, a gruesome monster jumped out of the rose, nearly scaring them to death!

“I am the mighty Dagloth! If you wish to pass you must answer three questions,” it said.

“But we don’t have time,” Salaryn cried. “We’re trying to get to the top of Mount Nate.”

“Tough noogies to you,” Dagloth cried. “Answer my questions or go back home. First, could you fit a mirror in your nose?”

“That’s a silly question!” Salaryn said. “I guess I could if I had to!”

“Ha!” Dagloth laughed. “You’re right! You have a huge nose. Now, answer me this. How many pizza could you eat in one sitting?”

“Well, I don’t care much for pizza but if I had to I could probably eat 10.”

The monster laughed even harder. “What does your pet’s leg smell like.”

“I don’t know why you would care but it smells like socks.”

The monster realized our hero was honest and true and allowed her to pass. So, Salaryn and Jamie went farther into the woods until they came to a clearing. There, on a pedestal sat a mirror.

“Well, that’s weird,” Salaryn said. “That monster was just talking about one of these. I suppose I should take it. It might be helpful later on, though I don’t know how.”

So Salaryn and her trusty pet, Jamie, set off again and found themselves at the base of Mount Nate. There they found a vine and used it to scale the mountain. They struggled for 7 days and 3 nights. All the time they were attacked by giant dragons and enormous flying bread with undefined tentacles and pink foot. But, finally, they got to the top of the mountain. It was a good thing, too, because they were both ready to give up and go back home!

At the top of Mount Nate was a huge violet castle with a drawbridge. On the drawbridge was a big basket filled to the top with pizza. “Well, this is peculiar,” Salaryn said. “I remember that lunatic monster in the woods was asking about these, just like he did about my nose and the mirror. I guess I could take these with us in case they come in handy, but to be honest, I have no idea how they could be useful.” So she hoisted the basket onto Jamie’s back and together they went into the castle.

Once inside they found an ugly snake, even more gruesome and smelly than the first monster. In fact, he smelled like pizza that had fallen under the seat of a hot car.

“I am the mighty Matthias, King of the Goobers! I rule this castle and everything in it. I suppose you’ve come here because I have tons of chocolates.”

Salaryn nodded. “It’s my greatest wish to have a chocolate.”

“Then you must show me something remarkable!” King Matthias said.

Salaryn was so angry she danced, but getting mad wasn’t going to solve her problems. She had to do something remarkable and the only thing she could think of was to stick her mirror up her nose. So she did! It was totally disgusting, and Salaryn looked like an idiot with the mirror sticking out of her nostril, but the King of the Goobers applauded. “That is remarkable.”

“I’m glad you’re impressed,” our hero said. “Now may I have a chocolate?”

“No!” the king roared. “To get that you must beat me in an eating contest! I hope you like pizza.” The king hurried Salaryn into a dining room where a huge plate of piping hot pizza was waiting on a table.

“No one has ever eaten more of these than I have but if you can I’ll give you your heart’s desire.”

So, seeing that she had no choice, and being a bit hungry from climbing the mountain, our hero removed the basket from her pet’s back and dumped all the pizza onto the table. Together, she and the King ate and ate. They ate for 25 days and 55 nights. They even ate on Christmas, until the buttons popped off their pants. But, when it was all over, Salaryn had eaten one more pizza than the King of the Goobers.

“I ate more than you,” our hero cried. “Now give me what I came for!”

“Absolutely not,” the king bellowed. “You cheated somehow. I won’t give it to you.”

Our hero was so angry she picked up her pet and shoved Jamie’s leg into the King’s face. The King screeched in horror.

“NO! I can’t stand the smell of dog leg. It’s my only weakness!” And a moment later the King of the Goobers melted into coffee all over the floor. Salaryn and Jamie were glad to be rid of him and searched the castle, finally finding the chocolate! And since the castle was now abandoned they decided to live there, where they would never have to stick a mirror up their nose or eat nasty old pizza again. And besides, they had no idea how to get back down the mountain.

And they lived happily ever after!


  1. awesome story! Loved it! Baby D's mama

  2. I'll have to find something that let's me write a tale starring baby D :)

    Then you can read it to him :)